By Albert Samaha

Columnist

My name is Albert and I have been burned by John Matthews.

“Hi Albert.”

It was the first- maybe second- week of fall camp my redshirt year. We were doing one-on-one’s, my all-time favorite drill. I lined up against a fellow freshman on my first rep. I bumped him at the line as he tried to run his slant. My jam delayed the receiver so much the quarterback had already hitched up from his drop. He threw the ball and I deftly knocked it down. I was very pleased with myself.

The next time up, I realized I was matched with John.

All Good.

(I’ll explain the situation with the same second person narrative monologue they use in “[Playmakers|http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2VG7zyWgdE&feature=related]”):

You figure you could take this number 83 guy. You were freaking first team All-League in high school, baby.  A straight baller. You played bump last time, so you decide to work your off-man coverage this time.

Big Mistake.

You eye his torso, then shift your gaze to the quarterback, then back to his torso, then back to the quarterback. As you lean forward into your stance your stomach bubbles with a familiar mix of excitement and nervousness- not quite anxiety, more like the thrill you get right before a first date with a cute girl. You stress the basics over and over in your head. Don’t bail too early, stay on his up field shoulder, drop your hips on your break, don’t look for the ball until you have dominant position. You want to show the coaches what you’ve got.

As the quarterback takes the snap your eyes jump back to 83. You take your read steps as your mind scans the possible routes. Slant? No. Hitch? No. Deep out? No. He’s still coming. It’s gotta be a go route. You see yourself rolling into 83 as you squeeze him into the sidelines. You see yourself soaring for the ball and picking it out of the air. See that coach?

He’s closing your cushion. Fast. You turn your hips. You know it’s gonna be a go.

Until it’s not.

Touchdown. Josh to John.

It was a post.

(End scene)

It was like Mikey McD sitting at the table with KGB at the beginning of “Rounders.” I thought I was ready, and really I might have been, but it wouldn’t have mattered- that’s Four Four Flat Johnny Matt.

Watching film the day after covering Johnny Matts is like getting back a test you know you did badly on. Even though you kind of know what to expect, you really don’t want to relive it. When it comes to watching film, players like to say “it’s never as bad or as good as you think.” When it comes to watching film a day after guarding Johnny Matts, though, it’s exactly as bad as you think. In fact, it’s probably going to be worse.

Of course, I’m not alone in my grief. Dozens of PFL corners have been psychologically eviscerated by Johnny Matts one way or another. Whether he runs past you, jumps over you, breaks your ankles, or spins by you, it’s going to end badly.

Bite on one of his double moves? That’s a more embarrassing mistake than UCSD sending acceptance letters to 29,000 supposed-to-be rejected applicants.

Play him straight up? Good luck, he’s faster than a drunk sorority girl with low-self esteem.

John Matthews glides across the turf without touching the ground. At least it seems that way. It’s not that he breaks a corner’s cushion quickly; it’s that you don’t even realize it until he’s three yards behind you. During an offseason workout last year, a new coach called out John for coasting through a drill. John, however, was not coasting. He’s just the smoothest runner you’ll ever see. When I covered John I thought he was coasting too. Until, of course, his “coasted” right by me faster than you can say Pops Mensah-Bonsu.

John toys with defenders like a 9.5 honey toys with guys at a party with no other attractive girls.

He’s the type of receiver that makes quarterbacks look good. It’s like in the “Sandlot” when Benny tells Scotty, “Just hold your glove up right here, I’ll take care of the rest,” then hits the ball right into the glove, building Scotty’s confidence in the process. John might as well tell quarterbacks, “Just throw the ball up right over there, I’ll take care of the rest.”

He was our safety net all season, bailing us out when we needed a big play. He was as dependable as the token 24 hour burrito place we all have in our lives- for me that place is Adalberto’s when I’m in Sac and Valencia’s when I’m in Daygo . Hungry and it’s 2am? Valencia’s. 4th and goal at the 2? Toss it up to Johnny. Can’t decide where to eat? Valencia’s. 3rd and 16, down five, with 1:26 left in the game? Toss it up to Johnny. Campus eateries all closed? Valencia’s. Need a back breaking first down? Toss it up to Johnny.

I will openly disclose my bias: I played with John Matthews for two years, competed with him in practice day in and day out, and was among the first to bombard him with praise as soon as he reached the sidelines after making a big play. John always treated me first class. He’s on the Samaha Certified all-character team. Given all that, I truly believe he will be successful at the NFL level. This weekend, some team will get a steal in the sixth or seventh round when they select John. If wide receivers in the draft were Vincent Chase movies, John Matthews would be “Queens Boulevard.” Sure you could try to get “Aquaman” in the first round, a guy like Crabtree or Heyward-Bay, but you might get a “Medellin” too.

And remember, “Medellin” went straight to DVD.